I have been into self-development since I was a teenager. I remember reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens and trying desperately to become better. As a scraggy teenager with no self-esteem, that was not an easy task.

I slowly, very slowly, learned how to be more patient with myself, and I can thank self-help books and self-help content for that. However, one time I was watching a video and I heard for the first time the words: Don’t trust your future self (I don’t remember the exact video… if you know it, please share it in the comments!).

At the moment, I thought it was a great idea. I would wash the dishes now because I couldn’t trust my future self to do it. I needed to exercise today because my lazy ass future self just wouldn’t. For some time, it kind of worked.

However, there was a sad realization… if I couldn’t trust my future self, then I was a failure, right now and in the future. My future self was not any better than the one I was at that moment.

That was around… 2022. I had a major mental breakdown. As silly as it sounds, not being able to trust my present or future self was bringing me down. It was not the only thing affecting me: I accept that… but it was there.

2022 was the year I started taking paroxetine daily, had psychotherapy sessions, and went to the shrink every month.

I also tried to start practicing self-compassion, which was extremely hard at that moment. How can I be compassionate to myself when I cannot be trusted? Luckily, my brain came up with an idea. Not trusting myself sucks, so I thought: Don’t f*ck your future self. This means that I do things right away because I love my future self and want to help her.

But here is the tricky part: loving someone you haven’t met yet is hard. I dug into the science of why we sabotage our own future, and it turns out, it’s not just about being “lazy.” It’s biology. And there are actual ways to “hack” it.

Why Your Future Self Feels Like a Stranger

There is a concept in psychology called Future Self-Continuity. Basically, researchers found that when we think about our future selves, our brains light up in the exact same way they do when we think about a complete stranger.

That explains so much. No wonder it was hard to love future me. To my brain, “Future Astrid” was basically a stranger on the street. Why would I love a complete stranger?

And it gets worse… When we feel disconnected from our future selves, we treat them poorly. We leave them the mess, the debt, and the stress because we don’t feel their pain. But when that connection is strong (when we see that future person as us), we naturally start making better choices.

So, how do we actually show this “stranger” some love without falling back into the shame spiral? Here are a few science-backed strategies I’m using to have her back.

1. The “Ulysses Pact” (For When Willpower Fails)

Let’s be honest: sometimes I just can’t trust myself to do the hard thing in the heat of the moment. That doesn’t make me a failure (although I think that sometimes)… It means that I’m, unfortunately, a human.

The solution is a Ulysses contract. This is where you lock your future self into a good decision while you’re still thinking clearly.

• The Hard Way: If you want to work out, you sign a contract where you lose money if you don’t show up.
  • You can either give the money to a friend or donate it to a cause you hate.
• The Soft Way (My favorite): Schedule it. Appointments act as a “soft” commitment device. I don’t just say “I’ll do taxes later.” I make an appointment with my accountant. Now, “Future Me” has to show up, or she’s being rude to a real person, not just herself.

2. Bribe Yourself (Temptation Bundling)

I used to try to force myself to do boring tasks through sheer grit. I was miserable. Then I found out about Temptation Bundling (thanks, James Clear!).

Research from the Wharton School showed that people were way more likely to exercise if they were only allowed to listen to their favorite addictive audiobook while at the gym.

• How I use it: I usually listen to music only when I’m working or doing some tasks. I’ll confess that sometimes it takes me a long time to decide what to listen to… So now I just use my Study/Work playlist on Spotify and try not to use YouTube.
  • Now, I’m not “disciplining” my future self. I plan to entertain her while she works, and the playlist is always ready.
    • Pro tip: When the task is boring or repetitive (or both), I move to my Spotify liked songs instead. I hear a nice mix of nostalgic music, new songs, and upbeat tunes.

3. Stop Being Mean (Self-Compassion Works Better)

This was the hardest pill to swallow. I thought that if I stopped beating myself up, I’d never get anything done. I thought shame was my fuel.

Now, science says the exact opposite. Self-compassion is actually linked to higher self-control and less procrastination. But what is it? It’s treating yourself with the same kindness you’d show a friend.

You see, when we shame ourselves for slipping up, we get stressed. When we get stressed, we procrastinate more to feel better, then we get more stressed (and disappointed). It’s a trap.

If I don’t feel like working out, I don’t spiral into “I’m a lazy failure.” I say, “Okay, I’m tired. Let’s do just a minute of exercise and one minute of stretching for my future self.” It sounds soft, but it’s the only thing that keeps me moving forward. Doing something for your future self is better than doing nothing 🙂

The Bottom Line

I am done treating my future self like an unreliable employee I have to micromanage. She is me, and she deserves my love and help.

Because I’m building my future self and I want to help her, not get in the way. So do yourself a favor and don’t f*ck your future self.