Daily writing prompt

Do you think we’re shaped more by our experiences or by who we are?

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Whenever we talk about personal growth or building better habits, an age-old question usually pops up: How much of who we are is hardwired, and how much can we actually change?

It is a delicate dance between our biology and our environment. If I had to answer, I believe that our personality and genetics have an undeniable, foundational effect on our lives. In most cases, our biological blueprint takes the lead. Our unique structural wiring sets some undeniable ground rules. For example, genes pre-determine our natural energy levels, how we process stress, or our baseline temperaments. That part is built in, and it cannot simply be swapped out.

However, coming in at a very close second place are our experiences.

We do not exist in a vacuum, and more importantly, we are not inert rocks. Every single experience we have interacts with our biology to shape who we are. In the scientific world, we call this neuroplasticity, which is the brain’s incredible, lifelong ability to adapt, reorganize, and rewire itself in response to our environments and experiences. Besides that, there’s also the epigenetic, which is how genes can be activated or silenced depending on the situation we live in.

Just because our genetics carry a heavy influence doesn’t mean we cannot change or improve. We might not be able to change the fundamental engine we were born with, but we can absolutely learn how to drive it better. We can build supportive scaffolding around our unique traits to help us navigate the world more smoothly.

But to make that change happen, we need one crucial ingredient: profound kindness.

We must believe in our capacity to grow and improve. Beating ourselves up for our natural genetic wiring is like getting mad at a cat for not knowing how to bark; it is a waste of energy and only creates shame. And as I always say, shame is not a productivity tool.

Even cats can learn tricks, so we must be kind to them (and to ourselves). When we actively choose to be kind to ourselves and to others, we ensure that the experiences shaping us are as positive as possible. We create a safe, judgment-free environment where our nervous systems can relax. Moreover, that is exactly the environment our brains need to learn, adapt, and thrive.

You are not an inert rock. You are a wonderfully adaptable, growing human being. Treat yourself like one, and I promise I will put my money where my mouth is and do the same.

The Biologist’s Reference Desk:

• Vukasović, T., & Bratko, D. (2015). Heritability of personality: A meta-analysis of behavior genetic studies. Psychological Bulletin, 141(4), 769–785.https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000017
• Draganski, B., Gaser, C., Busch, V., Schuierer, G., Bogdahn, U., & May, A. (2004). Neuroplasticity: changes in grey matter induced by training. Nature, 427(6972), 311-312.https://www.nature.com/articles/427311a
• Arnsten, A. F. (2009). Stress signalling pathways that impair prefrontal cortex structure and function. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 10(6), 410-422.https://www.nature.com/articles/nrn2648
• Breines, J. G., & Chen, S. (2012). Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(9), 1133-1143.https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167212445599